Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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