i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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