ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
