hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
