I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
