I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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