You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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