It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
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