he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
