He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize