take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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