if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
