I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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