Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Redeem this text for a blowjob
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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