I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
