you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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