He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm both gender and math confused
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize