You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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