All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
