Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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