I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
