What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
