so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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