I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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