How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
