Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize