so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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