i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
