The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
