He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We left the knife in your bed.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
