Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
