I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
