new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
