How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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