Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
