My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
