my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
