My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
