We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize