She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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