Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
