why didn't you poke me back
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
