I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
