I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
