so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
