I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
