HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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