If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
