I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
