i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
