Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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