I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
