It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize