I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
