and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
