It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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