curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
