There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
