I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
