His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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