Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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