Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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