Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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