She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
