I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
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