I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
