god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
