when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
