It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
