i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
