I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize