You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
